The Appeal of AI Chatbots: Why Some Prefer Virtual Connections Over Real Relationships

Today I had my regular bi-weekly on-line conversation with a colleague.  Usually there are 3 of us who meek regularly to talk about difficult cases.  We also talk about kids, partners, hobbies, interesting articles or movies – pretty much everything becomes a learning experience as we seek to become better at our craft. 

  I almost cancelled today because I was in a funk.  It’s been raining for days on end, and I’d had an unpleasant conversation with my partner earlier that morning.  I just wanted to be alone to sulk.  But I logged on anyway.  We talked about learning to fly in bad weather, which lead to discussing how our brains learn and create neural pathways, which lead both of us to insights about cases.

 When I logged off, I felt better!  I was thinking about new ways to approach a case.  I was brainstorming updates to my web page.  I was feeling successful rather than like I couldn’t get anything right.  I’m glad I decided to log on – with a human!

Many people are choosing to log on and talk with a chatbot to alleviate loneliness instead.  Chatbots are great at detecting speech patterns and knowing just what to say next (people are not always so great at communication and sometimes stumble over words or are slow to articulate their next thought.) Chatbots can be very validating (while people often say the wrong thing.)  It’s just easier.

Robin Dunbar, a researcher in social groups, proposed that as our social groups got larger, vocal communication and language  evolved to replace grooming as a means of bonding.  He argued that language was a more efficient way to maintain and strengthen social bonds across wider social settings and networks. So, understanding the mechanics of speech would seem to make chatbot the perfect “human.”

The tech community is calling the resulting relationships with chat bots artificial intimacy. Artificial intimacy feels great because computers don’t come with the cost of vulnerability or social rejection, which may make self-disclosure easier than with other humans.  If you type something clumsy, the bot doesn’t call it out.  It validates you which feels good.

Opening up to a chat bot often leads to anthropomorphism, attributing human characteristics to something inanimate.  After a while, pretending the bot is a real person could become a delusion. Pursuing artificial intimacy may also lead to reduced social motivation, social substitution effects, withdrawal from real-life relationships and difficulty discerning reality from fantasy, which actually increases longer-term loneliness and isolation. It can become a devastating loop.

But computers cannot replicate emotional nuance, nor the social context sensitivity typically provided by another human.  Next we’ll look at the benefits of face-to-face relationships with real humans and how they outweigh the risks of vulnerability and social rejection.  (Hint: showing up when I wasn’t feeling it and being vulnerable with my colleague is what lead to me feeling better!) And then we’ll look at why in-person therapy is better than bot therapy.

Resources:

Dunbar, R. I. M. (Robin Ian MacDonald) (1996). Grooming, gossip, and the evolution of language. Internet Archive. Cambridge, Mass. : Harvard University Press. ISBN 978-0-674-36334-2.

The Human Line Project

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Artificial_intimacy